Didn’t we know it would come to this?

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Jesus to stop healing pre-existing medical conditions

Under a proposed new healthcare bill, Jesus will stop performing healing miracles on sufferers with pre-existing medical conditions.

The controversial move, introduced by disciple Judas Iscariot, is designed to cut waiting lists in the Nazareth Health Service, which has seen queues of up to 5,000 waiting to see the healing miracle worker at times.